Shelley's Prometheus Unbound - Would be improved if either Asia or Panthea was a ninja -- I'm not sure which would be better. Both wouldn't work, though.This gives them ninja-replacement scores (NRS) of 1, ∞, and 0, respectively. It also works with prose -- Lord of the Rings has an NRS of 0 (the only possible improvement is ninja!Sam, but that wrecks the last line), while Pride and Prejudice has NRS = 5 (arguably).
Byron's Manfred - The whole bleeping cast needs to be replaced by ninjas (except for the spirits, who'd have to be tengus). And then drop-kicked off the Jungfrau.
Keats's Endymion - Ninjas would be superfluous.
Care to rate any others?
ETA: Ninja-replacement in Shakespeare is being discussed here.
---L.
- Reading:Endymion, Keats
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Comments
Try looking at Shelley's other poetry - his ninja score is quite high in everything *except* Prometheus.
I like the principle of ninja-repacement every much, even if I abuse it :). I intend to apply it to Blake's shorter poems tonight (no ninjas in 'London', but replace Blake's lamb with a ninja instantly)
You're dead right about Shelley. Except possibly The Cenci -- only Beatrice for that one.
---L.
Don't ninja anyone but the Bennett sisters, though -- not even the others. But them? Oh yeah.
---L.
Mind you, I haven't been able to consider "The Tale Of The Ancient Mariner" with a straight face since encountering "The Tale Of The Ancient Cricketer."
H. Rider Haggard's King Solomon's Mines might benefit from the insertion of Ninja, but it could be argued also that Ninja would ne redundant given the quotient of Noble Savage Warriors.
Dickens' A Christmas Carol would be improved with the insertion of Ninja. Indeed, there could be an entire heart-warming third act to the story where Tiny Tim is taken in by the Ninja and given not only the Secret Ninja Training but also all of the Secret Herbal Medicinal Secrets so that he's completely cured. The end of the book would be Ebenezer Scrooge coming to the realization that he's been a worthless toad all of his life, at which point Tiny Tim would materialize from the shadows and silently kill him.
What else? Les Miserables would be much better if Javert were a Ninja.
War And Peace would be vastly more readable with Ninja, don't you think?
And I'm of the opinion that Les Miserablés would be vastly improved not only with the addition of ninjas, but if they quietly off'd Cosette somewhere in the first half. (And then, just for good measure, if the ninjas wandered over to the musical and off'd Cosette there, where she's far worse.) I do love Les Mis, but something about Cosette sets my teeth on edge.
Is there a separate measure for improval by ninja assassinations? 'NRS' and 'NAS,' perhaps?
And he stoppeth one of three --
But I, I was the second man,
So you'll hear no more of me."
I'd argue that, much like Keats, Haggard can be improved -- but not by ninjas. For just that reason.
War and Peace, I'm not so sure. Anna Karenina though. That vacuous Vronsky, for a start.
---L.
So here's to you, Ninja Mariner,
Off you go and stop your one in three,
Just don't stop me,
Coo-coo-ca-choo, Ninja Mariner,
You should not have shot that albatross,
It's your loss...
[ coming in late via
Edited at 2007-11-30 07:51 pm (UTC)
---L.
I think Olga could be a ninja. And maybe Diva.
---L.
Huckleberry Finn! (Wait. Now that I think of it, maybe there was.)
Mann's Magic Mountain, please. (Only there'd have to be a lot, and they'd have to work fast. And they might not make it out. But it would help!)
Shakespeare -- Hmm. Again, maybe there was. What happened to Rosencrantz?
There's Shakespeare plays with NRS = 0, such as The Tempest, and ones with NRS = ∞ *looks at Titus*, and some midling ones -- replacing the fairies in Midsummer, for ex, gives a score of 8, if you count just speaking parts. But a lot of the tragedies are hard to score. Julius Caesar, for ex -- should anyone but the conspiritors be replaced? And how many of them were there, anyway?
---L.
---L.
Now I'm thinking about children's books. The Westing Game ought to have a few ninjas. Turtle doesn't need to be any awesomer (although she does kick people, so she could be a ninja!). I bet Angela's a ninja, anyway, secretly. So is Judge Ford.
---L.
I would suggest making Dune characters into ninja except that half of them already come insanely close to being ninja.
I vote we make Captain Nemo a ninja, not because the book needs improvement but because a ninja with his very own attack sub and who attacks other ships would be totally AWESOME.
Exactly. Ninjas aren't the way to improve that book.
Just as, while ninja!Nemo would be awesome, he wouldn't necessarily improve things -- just be different.
---L.
Ringwraiths = ghost ninjas?
Besides ghost ninjas are too over-the-top to work in a serious epic. Ghost or ninja -- pick one.
---L.
*imagines Sakura as Juliet and bursts out laughing*
---L.
I don't think anyone in Friendly Persuasion would work as a ninja, though.
---L.
---L.